Update on my father in law

Jeff and Nana



Heard some news today about my father in law, Jeff. It is cancer. He can't do chemotherapy because his body is too weak. They are considering trying radiation treatment again. He just finished radiation treatment a few months back for his prostate cancer.

This is all overwhelming. We are all stressed and on edge. Daryl is loosing his marbles. He took a leave of absence from work because he can't concentrate. He's been short tempered with his dogs, and has been sleeping at the hospital with Jeff. He isn't returning phone calls or texts from other family members who live out of state. These are all very unusual for Daryl. He's the sweetest person I've ever met. I've never even heard him raise his voice to his dogs. He always had a smile on his face. Now he's seriously depressed. He's not eating. He's not sleeping well. He went home yesterday to get some stuff, and Jeff's mother (who is staying there taking care of the house and dogs) heard him sobbing in his bedroom. He must have been really sobbing loudly, since she is pretty much deaf, and doesn't have a hearing aide.

Jeff's mom, Rosemary (or Nana) is doing ok I suppose. She's at least keeping it together a bit better than Daryl. She flew in from Illinois on Monday. Unfortunately, her luggage didn't make it here until last night. So I took her shopping on Tuesday to buy some clothes and toiletries to make it through till her luggage came. We were talking about what to get for dinner when she broke down in the middle of the store. She felt guilty that she was able to eat when her son couldn't. (Jeff can't eat because everything tastes like salt water and bile, so he's on a feeding tube.) She said "It's not fair! A parent isn't supposed to watch their children slowly die. A parent is supposed to go first!" I tried to console her. We didn't know for sure at that point that it was definitely cancer, and even if it turns out to be, there are treatments. She accepted that and we finished our shopping trip. We have been going over to their house every night and cooking dinner for Nana, to make sure she eats, and has some company other than the dogs. It's funny that she flew down to take care of the house and dogs, but I'm the one who has been cooking, cleaning, picking up dog poop, taking out the garbage, and running her around town to make sure she has everything she needs. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad she's here, I just find it funny that she's 'taking care of the house'.

The kids don't really understand what's going on. They know Grandpa is in the hospital and is sick, but they aren't old enough to understand why everyone is so upset and why Grandpa can't come home yet. They really want to see him, but he is still denying them a visit, and now even phone calls. It breaks my heart to see the kids cry because they can't talk to him. I understand he doesn't want the kids to see him like this, but they really want to talk to him, if only for a minute.

I'm trying to be strong, which is something I'm not good at. I cry at the drop of a hat. A sad commercial will send me into tears. But I've been biting my lip and trying to keep it inside for now. I don't want to add to the stress of the situation any. I am trying to be strong for Daryl Nana, A* and the kids. I sit and listen and hold them when they break down. I'm wishing I had someone to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. It's times like this when I need my Mommy.



** Side note. A is my husband, and Jeff's son. I haven't mentioned him before on here, and you probably won't hear much about him at all. He doesn't want to be talked about.